Mara’s baby had been sick for several months before he died. Her hope for his recovery had faded slowly and when he died in her arms, it sucked the life out of her. She had pushed away everyone. Her husband came home on a hardship leave from his post in Korea, but he had to return a month later.
Dena was Mara’s neighbor who insisted on looking in on her. When the baby was sick, Mara had given her a key that she never gave it back after the funeral. If Mara wouldn’t answer the door, Dena would come in any way. She would take over and open the blinds and air out the house. She would put a pot of soup on the stove and begin to do the dishes.
When Dena walked in, this time Mara began to scream at her to get out. Dena talked to her in a soothing tone of voice. Mara screamed louder and began to jump up and down. Dena waited until the fury ended and went to the distraught girl and took her in her arms and held her tight. Mara began to sob. She cried until she ran through the pent-up emotions. Dena kept softly telling her that she loved her and that it will be all right.
Finally, Mara rose up and looked at her, “Really? Will it ever be all right again? How could God have done this to me?” Dena knew this was not a time for reason, but she did say this, “Mara, you know God didn’t do this. God is only good and he didn’t take your baby away from you, but He has your child now in His own strong arms.”
“I believe He has,” she sobbed, “but I miss my baby and my husband. What am I going to do?” she wailed.
Dena looked at her and sighed. “Dear girl, the baby has been gone for six months and your husband for five. Brooding about this loss for such a long time is destroying you. You were never meant to be sad and that is why it is so hard. We were made for joy. When we experience deep grief, it is important to find a way to get back to joy. Do you know where joy is found? ”
Mara looked hopeless. “If you want me to turn to God, I can’t pray. I’ve tried, but I end up blaming God for all that has happened. He took my baby and sent my husband to Korea at about the same time. I am all alone!” Dena said, “I know it is small comfort, but God has sent me to you. You have never been alone. He is with you and I am right next door and always as close as a phone call.”
Mara shook her head. She couldn’t see any way out. It was hopeless but as she listened to her friend, a glimmer of hope began to shine. Finally she said, “I’ll try.”
Dena suggested that Mara take a shower and put on some clean clothes while she freshened up the house and then they would go out for lunch. Mara shook her head indicating that she didn’t want to but slowly lifted her small body off the couch as if it weighed 300 pounds. She obediently headed for the shower and stepped into the steaming hot water. It felt good. She poured shampoo in her hair realizing that she couldn’t remember the last time she had bathed. She stood in the wonderful flow of warm water for a long time. She felt she was being revived.
By the time Dena had finished changing the sheets and starting the laundry; Mara had fixed her hair and gotten dressed. She looked better although her clothes were a loose from weeks of not eating. She told Dena that she had prayed in the shower. “I told God that I was sorry that I had been so mad at Him and asked Him to help me find my way back to Him. I was amazed at the immediate peace that settled over me. I feel better than I have felt since my baby left me.” A small tear slipped down her check, but her eyes were brighter as she looked at her faithful friend.
Dena said, “Let’s go someplace really special. What is your favorite restaurant? She told her about a wonderful upscale restaurant in midtown and Dena said, “That’s my favorite too!” Soon they were on their adventure.
When we go through difficult times, we tend to make them worse by isolating ourselves from our support group. Mara pushed her friends and family away. She was angry with God because she was alone; she never connected the fact that she had made it almost impossible for people to comfort her when her husband and baby left.
God never ever intends for us to spend months and months in grieving about loss of any kind. He is always available to help us through the tragedies. At one point in the Old Testament, he only allowed Israel to grieve for one month. It is true that we need some time to deal with the change, but prolonged sadness grows and weakens us. It becomes a place for the enemy to plant thoughts of hopelessness and victimization.
When we choose to run to Father God, His Presence brings us joy. The more time we spend in His Presence, the more
joyful we become and he heals our wounds and binds up our broken hearts. Scripture says, “The joy of the Lord is our strength.”
Mara had meditated on her pain and that always brings more pain. When you feel the sadness over and over, the enemy helps us feel worse and worse and soon anger boils in our hearts. Sometimes it results in destructive behavior.
Things weren’t all of the sudden wonderful in Mara’s life although she had begun her journey back from despair. At times, she still had to fight the feelings of loss and loneliness, yet she has gone back to her church family and resumed her life. She has even begun looking for a job.
Mara’s husband’s voice has sounded so relieved that last few phone calls. He had worried about his beautiful wife and struggled with not being able to come home again but his tour of duty will be over in four months. She is marking off the days on the calendar.
Dena still comes by and they have coffee and Mara is talking again about the baby and the pain. She has learned the value of true friends and the joy of finding her peace in the Lord.
Until then, she is beginning again to spend time with her heavenly Father, Who never leaves her.